I am a doctor, so when I started feeling depressed after my baby was born, I knew what was happening, but being on the other side was an entirely different and surreal experience.
Until my first baby, I was completely focused on my medical career, I loved what I did. I didn’t for a second think that I would struggle being on maternity leave and away from the things that make me feel like me- after all, I had never had a break from achievement. I went from high school, to a psychology degree, to a medical degree, to work, so I kind of looked forward to this maternity imposed 'break'. But alas, struggle I did. When I came home from the hospital I remember feeling this dark cloud sitting over me. I was swollen, I was sore from the emergency C-section, my boobs were ready to explode, bordering on mastitis, and I was also a new mum, responsible for giving life to this baby.
It is strange to say, but I mourned my decision to have a baby in those early months. I felt this enormous weight sitting on my shoulders. I felt sorry for my baby- that he was stuck with me as his mum. I mourned the loss of freedom for myself. I felt scared and anxious. And I felt like I was destined to feel this huge level of despair for the rest of my life. During the first month of my baby’s life, I don’t think there were even minutes in the day when I felt good or happy. I refused visitors, I stopped eating, I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror. I was completely unrecognisable to myself. It got to a point that I thought surely I would need to be admitted into a psychiatric unit. The depth of despair was just horrendous.
Then there was a chain of events that lead to my recovery. Firstly, my husband coerced me to leave the house to see my GP. I cried and howled and she listened. She reassured me that things would get better, but suggested that I see her again after a few weeks. The power of her listening to me was actually enormous. Then, my husband insisted that I leave the house every day. The first few times, I hated every moment of it, I felt wretched, I felt like an imposter. After a few failed attempts of enjoying a walk or an outing to the shop, and as someone who has always enjoyed makeup and doing my hair, and seeing how ghastly I looked, I got up that next day, and I washed and blow dried my oily matted hair, and I put some makeup on. And instantly I started to recognise myself again. So from that day forward, if all I did was my hair and makeup and feed the baby, I knew that I would feel a little bit better each day. And slowly, I started to see myself again. I started to take pride in how I appeared for myself. And somehow, that made me feel better. Eventually I started skin care and then some cosmetic injectable’s. And what a joy these little tweaks gave me.
Fast forward 6 years later and 3 babies, I love giving to patient’s what I desperately needed so much at the time. Some self-care.
Cosmetic medicine is a strange thing. Those who look at this world from afar see an injection. But it is just so much more than that for me and my patient’s. When your life is falling apart, and you feel like you have completely lost control, we all tend to hyper fixate on something. For some of us, it is our appearance. Rightly or wrongly, I see this day in and day out. Cosmetic medicine can be so much more than an injection. It is care and compassion, it is listening, a shoulder to cry on, but somehow these little tweakments can make a person feel better. Like they have gained control back in their life somehow, albeit on something small. But from there, the confidence returns, and day by day, a person can heal and feel better. This is what self care is.
The key is that self care looks different to everyone. For some it might mean going for a run, for other’s a massage or reading a good book, and for some of my patient’s, it’s an injection.
Self care is something I talk about a lot. I don’t know why, but somewhere along the way, society decided that martyrdom was a good thing. For some strange reason, when you ask a person ‘how are you’, the standard response is ‘I am super busy’. But is that a good thing? Is it good that you are so busy that you don’t have time to exercise or care for yourself, or sleep, or eat well? In medicine, I see the consequences of lack of self care. And it can be far reaching. It can be ailments that can include psychological and even physical consequences.
Self care comes in all shapes and forms. Whatever it is for you, give yourself permission to help yourself feel good. For me, working on my outside, made me feel better on the inside.
With care and compassion,
Dr Nicole.
Dr Nicole Chater is a Sydney Based General practitioner specialist,
She has a special interest in cosmetic medicine and how our appearance can impact our mind and body.
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